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Pagosa Springs Daily News
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| HUMOR: 2009 Bankruptcy of the Year Award |
| Louis Cannon | 2/1/10 |
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| Back to the News Summaries |
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The tension in the room had built steadily — like a winter blizzard approaching inexorably from the southwest — during executive director Goldie Monroe’s long speech, and the moment of truth had nearly arrived.
Dick and Maggie Holdem, sitting side by side in cheap folding chairs, had — without realizing it — clutched each other’s hands, and were holding their breath.
Which wasn’t really so extraordinary really, considering almost everyone else in the room had also stopped breathing — except for, of course, Goldie Monroe, the executive director of the Stinkwater Springs Chamber of Commerce, who was plowing ahead with her speech.
 “So that’s the state of the Chamber budget, and all the great new social events we have planned for 2010 — and I know all that has nothing to do with the Award we are about to give out, so I appreciate your patience, because I had you all assembled here and — gee, this was my chance to talk on and on for half an hour, and let you all know about everything — all the exciting stuff coming up, and the challenges we all face! And you know about those challenges even more than I do, because you are the folks out there on the firing line.
“And as you all already know, we canceled the Citizen of the Year awards for 2009, because we couldn’t afford the engraved plaque this year. But then also because no one submitted any nominations, so that all worked out nicely, all in all.
“But we had so much competition for this award, that we just had to proceed with the 2009 award, in spite of the Chamber budget. And I apologize in advance for the quality of the plaque — it’s been a tough year all around — but our irreplaceable Chamber administrative assistant, Penny Shaver, hand-lettered the award herself and I think it will absolutely fabulous framed in an elegant frame ... maybe like one of the frames they have at the BUYLESS discount store?”
Goldie was holding up the hand-lettered 3x5 index card, and smiling at BUYLESS owner Jessie Beyers. “Right, Jessie? In case any of you haven’t seen that great selection of affordable picture frames at BUYLESS, you simply have to stop by and check it out...”
Goldie was doing a fabulous job of building the excitement around the annual Chamber Bankruptcy of the Year Award. There hadn’t been much to celebrate lately in the little mountain town of Stinkwater Springs, what with the fragile local economy in ruins. Half the shops downtown were boarded up or had flimsy plastic “For Rent” signs in their windows. Most of the building contractors had already moved away — taking their pickup trucks and dogs with them — and local real estate association was losing members in droves, in spite of lowering its membership fees from $2,000 a year to $20 a year.
“And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The 2009 Bankruptcy of the Year Award...”
Dick Holdem, still clutching his wife Maggie’s hand, threw a quick glance around the packed room, and took in the expectant look on Jim Wattington’s face. Jim was certainly a well-qualified competitor in this race. He’d had a spectacular bankruptcy in 2009, after building a 20,000-square-foot combination ice cream parlor and massage parlor at the west end of the Stinkwater Country Shopping Center.
Dick then shifted his gaze to Tommy and Gladys Simpleton, the other competitors for the award. Like Wattington, the Simpleton’s were extremely well qualified for this year’s competition. They’d built a series of half-million dollar townhomes on the banks of beautiful Pyramid Lake, without taking into account the Stinkwater Water District’s plans to drain the lake and replace it with a sewer treatment plant.
Dick Holdem wondered if he and Maggie could ever hope to compete with such spectacular bankruptcies. He and Maggie had run an extremely successful wallpapering business for two decades here in Stinkwater, and had been luck enough to win the contract for wallpapering the new County Courthouse out on Miller’s Creek Road. They’d bought $1.5 million worth of wallpapering supplies, charging it all on their VISA cards — and then found out the County didn’t actually have any money to build the new facility, and that the money earmarked for the new Courthouse had been “unintentionally” spent on genuine leather, egronomic office chairs for the County Commissioners.
But Stinkwater Springs was still a small town, and in the end, it wasn’t the size of your bankruptcy that really mattered, but how many friends you had on the Chamber board.
“The 2009 Bankrupcy of the Year Award goes to ... Dick and Maggie Holdem, of Loose Ends Wallpapering LLC!” Goldie Monroe announced with a tone of glee.
The room broke into applause and Dick and Maggie rose from their chairs, hands still clutched. They looked into each other’s eyes, gasped a breath, and laughed.
What a wonderful town they lived in. |
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